Understanding the language of people around us... to communicate more effectively with them!
To each our own way of communicating
Have you ever heard of the five love languages, a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman?
According to him, we all have preferences in how we express love, both in how we offer it and how we receive it.
In all types of relationships
Although Dr. Chapman originally developed this concept for romantic relationships, it applies just as well to friendships, family relationships and even interactions with colleagues.
Dr. Chapman's five love languages
According to Dr. Chapman, our communication preferences can be grouped into five languages:
Words of Affirmations - expressing love, appreciation and/or encouragement through spoken or written words
Quality time - giving someone your full attention and sharing meaningful moments together
Physical touch - a hug, a kiss, holding hands, or any gentle physical connection
Acts of service - doing something helpful or thoughtful to lighten someone’s load or simply to make them happy
Gifts - small surprises or tokens that aren’t tied to any special occasion, but simply show that you were thinking of them
Preferences that change and evolve
Of course, we can have more than one preference, and our primary language can evolve over time or shift depending on circumstances. Still, most of us tend to have one or two languages that stand out more than the others.
How do we communicate with others?
We often communicate with others, and therefore show our love for them, using our preferred language.
But that language isn’t necessarily the one preferred by the other person, which can lead to frustration or disappointment when we feel that our affection isn’t being returned in the way we expect.
Taking time to discover the other person's language
To communicate better
So what would happen if we took the time to discover the other person's preferred love language, by listening, observing and paying attention to their reactions? How might this change our relationships? How could we adapt better our communication style with the people around us?
I invite you to try it and see how it transforms your connections!
I also invite you to ask yourself: how could you apply this same concept to other areas of your life?
A concept that also applies to dance!
Believe it or not, this concept has been applied to partner dancing. Laura Riva wrote an excellent article on the topic , that deeply resonated with me when I started Brazilian zouk.
She groups the five “dance languages” as follows:
Energy - dancers who give their 100% on the dance floor, even if it means being sweating and being out of breath, leaving with the feeling of being energized and fully alive
Fun - dancers who want to play, laugh, and enjoy the moment with their partner, whether it's recovering from a mistake, hitting a musical accent, or co-creating something unique
Deep connection - dancers who connection with the other person, to be in sync and experience a magical moment
Challenge - dancers who enjoy trying new moves, repeating a figure until it works, or pushing themselves with more difficult or complex figures
Expression - dancers who interpret the music, adapt their movements and use creativity to express what they feel in each song
Exploring the other’s language to express ourselves together!
Interestingly, my current dance partner and I didn't have the best connection at first, as our preferred languages were quite different.
With time and practice, we both learned to explore each other's language. Today, we can switch and play between different languages within the same dance, depending on our mood and the music!
This learning process now allows us to communicate better, express ourselves more freely and adapt to our partners and the music!
Seeing progress: a moment of joy
Although I still have a lot to learn, for me, our latest R&B demo (link to full video here) at La Onda Social (an event we collaborate on every month) beautifully illustrates my progress in communicating in a language that is not my natural preference but is my partner's!
It's one of the first times I can truly say I enjoyed dancing in his preferred style and language! I'll let you judge for yourself!
Now it's your turn!
Your preferred language
What's your preferred language?
The language of the people around you
What about the people in your life? How do you adapt your communication style in your daily interactions?
Need a little support?
Coaching can be a powerful tool to help you understand your communication preferences and the gap that may exist between yours and those of the people you interact with.
Curious to explore this topic further with me? Feel free to book a first introductory session - it’s free!
I look forward to supporting you on your journey towards greater freedom of expression!
